The Myth of Breaking Generational Trauma
It seems like in recent years, there has been a significant spike in the discussion of generational trauma, specifically healing from and overcoming it. This uptick has caused me to more closely examine the examples I see of people dealing with it.
To be clear here, I’m talking about the idea of examining your parents’ (and sometimes their parents, grandparents, and so on) behavior/issues and rectifying those tendencies in yourself so that you can live free from them. I’ve come to the belief that this is impossible.*
This sort of pessimism is not the sort of thing I try to dwell on, or at least put out there, but I think this is worth discussing and there’s a lot to learn from it. The whole conversation about trauma revolves around the concept of turning wounds into scars, splits into mends, tears into stitches, and damage into restoration. The thing you’ll notice about all of these things is that there is a permanent mark that is always made by the healing process. This is true of trauma healing. Yes, it is possible to heal from trauma, we see it happen all the time. However, I’d like to draw attention to what that healing actually means. It means that the memory of the hurt always remains and the pain will always leave its mark on you. You’ll feel a scar when you run your hand over it, you’ll feel a stitch when you brush the fabric, and even bondo always adds weight to the body of a car. Not only does trauma leave a mark you’ll never lose, but that mark symbolizes how you recovered from it. I think our options are sort of limited here because there are only so many lessons we can actually internalize from the pain we go through, especially at once.
“Why isn’t it possible?”
My reason for contending that it’s impossible to eradicate generational trauma is this: We are confined by our own neural plasticity (or lack thereof), self awareness, and ability to perfect our own behavior. These cognitive limitations mean that we simply can’t fix everything, and we can fix nearly nothing by ourselves. . The unfortunate reality is that there are many decades of generational trauma placed against us that we are challenged to overcome. The game is rigged against us to start.
The idea that we can fully break generational trauma also implies that we can achieve a level of awareness of our own selves that allows us to see clearly not only everything that is wrong with us, but what adjustments are needed to fix them. I don’t know about you, but this sounds like a heap of self-importance and pride to me. Who are we to say that we can view ourselves so objectively when we can never be more biased than in our own self-examination? This requires the input of lots of outside perspectives to determine what your output into the world is so that you can understand yourself outside of your own head.
This is why we need all the help we can get. We are tremendously and hopelessly lost without community, confidants, counselors, and mentors to guide us through the pain of life, as well as the pain passed down from the lives that lead to ours. The difference these external parties make in our lives help determine which things we overcome, however I still find the prospect of complete “restoration” to a person free of generational trauma to be simply implausible.
How much can we rewrite the code that define us? Where do we draw the line between who we are and what made us this way?
The fundamental reality is that not only are the odds stacked against you, but also that you are only one person. Even with the combined power and support of all the people around you that you could wish for, you are still limited by your own cognition. Your brain may be somewhat elastic in adapting to new patterns, but we cannot just erase who we are. There are so many factors, both small and large, that blend into the whirlpool of input that determine our personal output. As a person, you are (at least in part) a synthesis of what behaviors your ancestors picked up and passed on. You are also a synthesis of your impressions of what your parents did/said to you, and how you were taught to interpret and internalize that data. These factors are woven into the fabric of your being.
However, I do believe that it’s possible to attain awareness of the manifestations of trauma, specifically ways that we may cope with it. This awareness can actually change what we pass on to the next generation. Not only can we make our own trauma response adjustments that will break the generational thread (not the entire chain), we can be aware of the other threads to the point where we can educate future generations on things to be watchful of and work through.
I think there’s this interesting three-dimensional balance between personal autonomy, community dynamics, and the generational line that leads to us.
In the graphic below, the cube represents the range we can end up within. This cube demonstrates the limitations that we as individuals have, and how we are not allowed infinite space because of limitations placed by each of the three axes. The idea with this graphic is that more or less influence by each of the three dimensions will place you on a different space within the cube. You can only be so defined by one dimension, and you can only be so free of each aspect's influence. The combination of all three is what places you where you are within the space.
If you examine anyone you know that has overcome generational trauma, I believe you will find this pattern to be true. They are the way that they are because of these three factors. Likewise, there is a limit to how far they can be free from these factors. The lens of generational trauma that i’m using here offers a more pragmatic and less idealistic view of the matter, which is honestly a bit discomforting to me. However, there’s a light at the end of the theory!
x = personal autonomy
y = generational line
z = community dynamics
E = you!
Life is all about choices. We are all playing this same call-and-response game with our environments. This reality can make it feel like we are left in a responsive, reactionary role with life pushing us around, but this is actually not the case. We all have the choice to impose our will on our surroundings, turning the tables in a way that allows us to change how we internalize things, as well as externalize them. A foundational element of the movement to overcome generational trauma is the examination and critical assessment of the inputs and outputs our worlds have relative to our being. These inputs and outputs shape who we are, because we are at least in part defined by our actions. “Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth flows”, as they say.
You can do it, or at least most of it. And if you want to find out how much that is, you have to look outside as much as you look inside. It’s going to take more than just you, and more than just your generation.
Thanks for not reading.
*Impossible in the sense that it is not possible to be done entirely, but it is entirely possible for it to be done.
